Helping Families in Rockwall County and Surrounding Counties

Avoid the Proxy War

Avoid the Proxy War

Posted By Eaker Law Firm || 10-Nov-2015

“Proxy War” in the context of state actors involves two nations at war with one another but where neither is directly involved.

In the context of divorce (and other family law matters), we see a unique type of proxy war when spouses engage in seemingly irrationally heightened conflict over seemingly insignificant matters. Perhaps this would be best illustrated by a few examples.

I have had clients desperately cling to or go to extreme lengths to seek various items of personal property that have little to no material value such as microwave ovens, vacuums, and the occasional dining table. The fervor of such is often not the result of intrinsic monetary or emotional value but instead people in the emotional state substitute or project upon the object something entirely unrelated.

Fighting about the piece of property becomes a way to assuage feelings of:

  • Being easily discarded (She may be able to walk away from me, but she’s not taking anything with her)
  • The sense of loss of the future of the relationship (I don’t want to make changes, make her get new dishes)
  • An answer for mistakes in the past (If I’m going to have to start over, I’m going to make him suffer)
  • A way to punish (I know he loves that ______, so I want to make sure he loses it if he really wants this divorce)
  • A continuation of long passed conflicts (I was mad he bought that in the first place, so I’m going to keep it now)

Over the many years representing hundreds of clients, I have seen these issues arise time and time again. Often spouses are at different stages in the grief cycle and it’s the more emotionally hurting party who pushes a seemingly irrational position. Be wary when you feel yourself wanting to engage in such or when you are on the receiving end. By recognizing what is really happening, you can best navigate such matters and protect yourself emotionally and financially.

Family law matters are emotionally difficult. We strive to stay on top of the emotions and help guide our clients through the process with as little damage as possible. This requires avoiding being sucked into or causing the proxy wars. If you feel such coming on, we can help. Our experience, empathy, and insight will help guide you through this difficult time and work through the difficult legal issues so that you stand in the best position possible at the end of the day.

If you are in need of family representation in Rockwall County, contact Eaker Law Firm today to schedule a one-on-one consultation.