“Proxy War” in the context of state actors involves two nations
at war with one another but where neither is directly involved.
In the context of
divorce (and other
family law matters), we see a unique type of proxy war when spouses engage in seemingly irrationally
heightened conflict over seemingly insignificant matters. Perhaps this
would be best illustrated by a few examples.
I have had clients desperately cling to or go to extreme lengths to seek
various items of personal property that have little to no material value
such as microwave ovens, vacuums, and the occasional dining table. The
fervor of such is often not the result of intrinsic monetary or emotional
value but instead people in the emotional state substitute or project
upon the object something entirely unrelated.
Fighting about the piece of property becomes a way to assuage feelings of:
- Being easily discarded (She may be able to walk away from me, but she’s
not taking anything with her)
- The sense of loss of the future of the relationship (I don’t want
to make changes, make her get new dishes)
- An answer for mistakes in the past (If I’m going to have to start
over, I’m going to make him suffer)
- A way to punish (I know he loves that ______, so I want to make sure he
loses it if he really wants this divorce)
- A continuation of long passed conflicts (I was mad he bought that in the
first place, so I’m going to keep it now)
Over the many years representing hundreds of clients, I have seen these
issues arise time and time again. Often spouses are at different stages
in the grief cycle and it’s the more emotionally hurting party who
pushes a seemingly irrational position. Be wary when you feel yourself
wanting to engage in such or when you are on the receiving end. By recognizing
what is really happening, you can best navigate such matters and protect
yourself emotionally and financially.
Family law matters are emotionally difficult. We strive to stay on top
of the emotions and help guide our clients through the process with as
little damage as possible. This requires avoiding being sucked into or
causing the proxy wars. If you feel such coming on, we can help. Our experience,
empathy, and insight will help guide you through this difficult time and
work through the difficult legal issues so that you stand in the best
position possible at the end of the day.
If you are in need of family representation in Rockwall County, contact
Eaker Law Firm today to schedule a